we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
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