it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
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