Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Randomize
