Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
