I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Randomize
