just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
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