guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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