Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
as a side note pls kill me
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
