The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
My vagina is officially offended.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
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