theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Randomize
