Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
