im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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