Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
