I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Randomize
