I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
i think my mom watched the whole time
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
