I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Randomize
