I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Randomize
