dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
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