All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Randomize
