i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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