I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
