Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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