just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
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