Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I intend to get homeless drunk
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Randomize
