If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
