if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
