we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
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