I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Randomize
