I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
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