By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
