my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
