Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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