the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I bet he comes in French.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Randomize
