I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
