i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Randomize