Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Randomize
