I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize
