Pappa wants mamma naked
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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