but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
