it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Randomize
