So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
