I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Randomize