I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
