And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
