Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
