I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
