i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
