How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I can't turn off my feet"
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
