I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
