is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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