My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
There's a naked man in my car right now.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
