Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Randomize
