they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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