I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Randomize
