She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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