Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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