Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Randomize
