I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize