now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
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