Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Randomize
