she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
