problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Randomize
