why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
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