i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Randomize
