We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
