Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
