Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
