she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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