Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
