I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
