He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Randomize
