My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
